💗🥒 On Wednesdays, We Eat Green

Do you ever look at a jar of pickles and think, “You’re like, really pretty”? Because same. In this house, we treat pickles the way Regina George treats compliments—aggressively, excessively, and with absolutely no chill. I put pickle seasoning on my popcorn. I eat pickle chips like they’re emotional support snacks. I recently made a pickle quesadilla and honestly? It didn’t go to Taco Bell, but it did go straight to my heart.

So if you’re here because you love pickles, congratulations—you can sit with us. If you’re here because you don’t love pickles… that’s so fetch for you, but this post is not for you. This post is for the brine‑obsessed, dill‑devoted, chaos‑coded kitchen gremlins who know that on Wednesdays, we eat green.

🥒 Pickle Pot Roast (Slow Cooker Dinner)

Ingredients

• 3–4 lb chuck roast
• 1 packet au jus gravy mix
• 16-oz jar of Wickles Wicked Pickle Chips with the juice (or whatever dill you’re obsessed with!)
• 1 cup beef broth
• 1-2 Tbsp minced garlic (but who are we kidding, measure with your heart)
• 2 tbsp butter (optional mandatory)
• Black pepper
• Optional – Add 1-2 lb of baby carrots & 1-2 bags of gourmet potatoes (the little ones) and sliced or diced onions on top of the roast before adding seasonings and pickles.

Directions

1. Place roast in the slow cooker.
2. Sprinkle ranch and au jus over the top.
3. Add garlic, whole jar of pickles, and broth.
4. Add butter if you want extra richness.
5. Cook Low 10-12 hours for fall apart tenderness or High 4–5 hours if you’re in a pinch, but low & slow is best.
6. Shred the roast into the briny gravy and pepper to taste.

Why It Slaps

The pickle juice tenderizes the beef and adds a bright tang that cuts through the richness. It’s Mississippi Pot Roast’s chaotic dill‑obsessed cousin.

🍽️ Suggested Dinner Sides (No Recipes, Just Vibes)

• Buttered mashed potatoes — the briny gravy LOVES a starchy pillow
• Roasted carrots — sweet + tangy = balance
• Steamed green beans — simple, crisp, unfussy
• Buttered egg noodles — classic pot roast pairing
• Crusty bread — for sopping up the pickle‑beef gravy
• Simple side salad — vinaigrette plays well with the brine

💗 You Can’t Snack With Us (Just Kidding, Yes You Can)

Now for the snacks. The snacks you eat while you’re deciding what to snack on. The snacks you inhale while making dinner because patience is for people who don’t own pickle seasoning. The snacks you sneak into the movie theater in your oversized “this is definitely not full of pretzels” purse. And yes — the snacks you bring to a party so everyone thinks you’re effortlessly cool and not, in fact, a brine‑addict in lip gloss. These are the crunchy little side characters of your culinary universe — and honestly? They’re the real Plastics. Gorgeous, dramatic, and absolutely running the show.

🥨 Pickle‑Spiced Pretzels

Snacky snack, party snack, purse snack—choose your chaos.

Ingredients

• 1 lb mini pretzels
• ⅓ cup neutral oil
• 2 tbsp dill pickle seasoning
• 1 tbsp dried dill
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder

Directions

1. Heat oven to 250°F.
2. Whisk oil + seasonings + pickle juice.
3. Toss pretzels until coated.
4. Bake 30–35 minutes, stirring halfway.
5. Cool completely so they crisp.

Flavor Vibe

Like a pickle walked into a pretzel bar and said “make me beautiful.”

🦪 Pickle‑Dill Oyster Crackers

The crunchy little chaos goblins of the snack world.

Ingredients

• 9–12 oz oyster crackers
• ¼ cup neutral oil
• 1 tbsp dill pickle seasoning
• 1 tbsp dried dill
• ½ tsp celery salt
• ½ tsp garlic powder
• ½ tsp sugar

Directions

1. Heat oven to 250°F.
2. Mix oil + seasonings.
3. Toss crackers in the mixture.
4. Bake 20–25 minutes, stirring once.
5. Cool fully before storing.

Serving Ideas

• Party bowls
• Lunchbox add‑ins
• Road‑trip fuel
• “I deserve a treat” handfuls

💗🥒 You Go, Glen Coco (And Your Pickles Too)

And there you have it—dinner powered by dill, snacks powered by chaos, and a kitchen vibe that says “I’m not like a regular cook, I’m a cool cook.” Whether you’re spooning pot roast over mashed potatoes or inhaling pickle‑dusted pretzels like you’re hiding from the Plastics in the bathroom, you’re officially living your best brine‑based life.

So go forth, my fellow pickle‑loving queen. Be bold. Be tangy. Be the person who brings pickle snacks to a party and watches everyone pretend they’re not obsessed. And remember: in this house, the limit does not exist when it comes to pickles.

’Til next time — stay briny, stay bold, and never apologize for your pickle era.

About the Author: Kat is a kitchen gremlin who believes cooking is a love language and pickles are a personality trait. She writes from a small Appalachian kitchen powered by caffeine, brine, and unhinged enthusiasm.